last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
