If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
