I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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