So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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