"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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