his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
