The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
