apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
