"it" just moved
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
