awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
