The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
