Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
