What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
