He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
