well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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