I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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