I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Randomize
