Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
