we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
