i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My bed smells like the plague
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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