Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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