there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
