wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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