Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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