I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
