I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
