OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
