she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
