I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
