Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Randomize
