I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
