I hate your face
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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