He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
