his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
