I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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