Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
