So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you had me at cake vodka
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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