I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
