I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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