Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
