I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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