i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Green mimosas i think yes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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