She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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