I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
