And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
