Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
