i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
