Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
