It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
