i think my mom watched the whole time
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
