She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
