And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my sisters under your porch take her home
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No subtext here. People are naked.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
