covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
