is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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