And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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