Sponge bath it is.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
